The eyes of someone in love often say more than words: a look that lingers a little too long, pupils that grow larger, a smile that reaches all the way up to the eyes. Here you will find out what happens when two people make eye contact, what eyes in love look like and why you should not read too much into every single glance.
Key points at a glance
- Eye contact is what turns attraction into something mutual: only when two gazes meet can a smile follow.
- Pupils widen not only in dim light but also with joy and arousal. This happens involuntarily and cannot be controlled.
- You can spot eyes in love by a pattern rather than a single sign: the gaze lingers, keeps coming back and comes with a genuine smile.
- Keep eye contact in balance: in experiments at University College London, participants found a gaze uncomfortable after about three seconds on average.
Eyes of someone in love: what happens during eye contact
Our eyes reveal feelings, often without us wanting them to. A look can signal threat, interest or sympathy, and that even applies to how we interact with many animals. Between two people who like each other, eye contact becomes a silent conversation.
A direct gaze can make a face appear more attractive. Brain regions that process emotions and respond to reward are involved, such as the orbitofrontal cortex in the frontal lobe just above the eye sockets. Among other things, it helps us make decisions, regulate emotions and interpret facial expressions.
Of course, there is no switch that makes you fall in love. But eye contact is the basis for attraction that is not one-sided: only when two pairs of eyes meet and hold each other can a smile appear. And that is where the magic begins.
Love at first sight: does it exist?
If you knew your partner for years before sparks flew, you may smile at the idea of love at first sight. Others fell head over heels the moment they met and swear by it. To be honest, a first look can spark curiosity and attraction. Whether it turns into love only becomes clear over time.
Deep eye contact: looking into each other’s eyes
What many people describe as magical eye contact is usually an intense look that both hold without it becoming awkward. When you are in love, you happily look deep into the other person’s eyes and sometimes lose track of time. For everyone else, this is often the clearest sign: the two of them barely seem to notice anyone else in the room.
Dilated pupils: do your pupils get bigger when you are in love?
Yes, they can. You can often recognise a couple in love by the way their eyes are fixed on each other and their pupils become noticeably larger. “The brain says: I am trying to let more data in,” explains body language expert Stefan Verra. Pupils widen with joy, excitement or sexual arousal, for example.
This widening is an involuntary reaction of the autonomic nervous system, so large pupils when you are in love can neither be trained nor suppressed. People who like someone else’s gaze tend to react with more strongly dilated pupils.
Still, dilated pupils alone are not a reliable sign of love. Pupils react most strongly to light: in a dimly lit restaurant or bar, everyone’s pupils are larger. Comparing only makes sense in the same light. If you notice that your pupils are very large or different sizes for a long time without any obvious reason, have it checked by an optometrist or eye doctor. Curious about other eye facts? Read 7 Myths about Eyes: Fact or Fake News?
What do the eyes of someone in love look like?
A single sign is not enough to spot eyes in love. It is more telling when several signals come together:
- The gaze lingers: people in love look for longer than a conversation requires.
- The gaze keeps coming back: even in a group, he or she keeps looking for your eyes.
- Large pupils: in the same light, a possible hint of interest.
- Smiling with the eyes: a genuine smile lifts the cheeks and shows in small creases at the corners of the eyes.
- A sparkle in the eyes: the proverbial sparkle of people in love is not something you can measure but an overall impression of bright, open eyes, large pupils and a smile.
How a man in love looks at you
There is no specifically male look of love; the signals are similar for everyone. A man who is secretly in love often gives himself away precisely because he tries to hide his gaze: he keeps glancing over and looks away as soon as you catch him. Others become calmer and listen remarkably closely when you speak. So a man’s loving look is often more about attention than dramatic swooning.
Can’t look someone in the eyes? In love and shy
Some people in love can hardly look the other person in the eyes. That does not have to mean a lack of interest. When feelings are involved, a long look quickly feels too revealing, and looking away is mostly a way of hiding one’s own nerves. Whether it is shyness or disinterest shows in the rest of the body language: if someone still seeks your company and conversation, that is a good sign.
Eye contact and love: look, don’t stare
When you are in love, you suddenly see the other person with completely different eyes. Even so, eye contact needs the right dose. If you look too long and too fixedly, you quickly come across as intrusive, and that tends to cost sympathy.
How long is too long? In experiments at University College London with around 500 participants, it took about three seconds on average before people felt uncomfortable. The reaction of the pupils can reveal whether someone finds longer eye contact pleasant or not.
So if you want to cross paths with Cupid’s arrow on your next date or at the next party, remember these three rules:
- Don’t force anything: just keep your eyes open.
- Look, don’t stare: once you have someone in your sights, leave out the zoom.
- Respect comes first: if someone keeps avoiding your gaze and doesn’t seek contact in any other way, take that as an answer.
Sunglasses for two: when your eyes shouldn’t give everything away
Sometimes it is quite handy if your eyes don’t reveal everything straight away. Behind dark lenses, large pupils stay your little secret, at least until you get closer. For days out together, a matching look with a wink works well: two pairs of sunglasses in the same shape or colour, such as the Ray-Ban Folding Wayfarer or the Oakley Holbrook.
Besides style, look for proven UV protection marked UV400 and the CE mark. And if you are newly in love and see everything through rose-tinted glasses anyway, your sunglasses can safely be a little darker.
Oakley EYEJACKET REDUX (OO9438 943844)£106.87
Oakley EYEJACKET REDUX (OO9438 943839)£101.97
Oakley VELO KATO (OO9501 950103)£197.72
Oakley EYEJACKET REDUX (OO9438 943837)£100.30
Oakley VELO KATO (OO9501 950105)£177.98
Oakley SUTRO LITE S (OO9496 949606)£119.51
Oakley EYEJACKET REDUX (OO9438 943845)£149.15 P
Prada PR D20SU 26O10R£168.00Frequently asked questions about eyes in love
Can you recognise your soulmate by their eyes?
Not reliably. A look can feel instantly familiar, and the eyes do reveal interest and feelings. Whether someone is your soulmate only shows over time: in how you talk, argue and make up again.
He looks me in the eyes for a long time without smiling – what does it mean?
There is no one answer. A long look without a smile can show interest and concentration, sometimes also uncertainty or simply a serious nature. Pay attention to the context: if he seeks your company and conversation, that is a good sign. If the look feels uncomfortable, you are allowed to say so.
How can I tell if someone’s eyes are in love?
By several signals together: the gaze lingers and keeps coming back, the pupils tend to be large in the same light, and the smile reaches the eyes.
